The Scumbag Photographer

I'm going to make you a star!

"You know what would look good?
If you took your top off slowly.
The lighting will make them wicked artistic." 

Scumbag Elf 4: Worst of the Worst

Never date a Flyers fan; even if she shaves her mustache.

Indefensible Mr. Elf, indefensible. 

Scumbag Elf 3: The Extremist

Oh Elf, how could you?

Ironically, he's not edible pork until he's dead!

Scumbag Elf: Father of The Year

"Just shut up and act natural sweetie and you will
get your precious dolly back in one piece."

Presenting: The Adventures of Scumbag Elf

Its every Space Ranger's worst nightmare!

Sweetie? Are you back there? Surpri... Oh god... Oh god!
You're a whore! You're a dirty whore! And you! I trusted you! 

Very Pissed Daddy

So this evening, after my wife came home from work, I took a shower and then sat down at my computer to a slew of open messages. The unifying topic: "did you make a Facebook page for your girls?" This was followed by the same question from my wife who added, "I just got a friend request from our girls." I checked it out, and sure enough, there was a profile set up in my daughters' names, featuring photos of them, intentionally misspelled status updates and open friend requests to everyone that I know. The person responsible even went as far as liking Whiskey Nap on Facebook. At this point, I was fuming and could only think about choking-out whomever was responsible.  My first order of business was to report it. To my surprise, FB had taken the profile down immediately while someone reviewed the report. This would later become a full removal of it all together. My next order of business was to update the privacy settings on my account; nobody aside from my "friends" can see or, more importantly, download any of my pictures to use in such a way ever again. I suppose now the only thing left to do is sit and wait till whom ever the dip-shit is cops to being responsible. I have a few theories.

The sad thing is, it was not a bad idea: a profile in my kids names to provide "their point of view" on the shit they put me through on a daily basis could have been pretty damn funny. If only the person had given me the idea or at the very least gotten my blessing. (That's assuming that this was the work of someone that I know.)

Toy of the Year!

This weekend, the family and I took a day trip with some friends to Kringle Candle in Bernardston MA. (Its a real town, I swear; in the part of Massachusetts where it is more important to have a truck than a full set of teeth or a grade school education.) While there, the kids and I had a blast going through their on-site toy department. The place was set up to look like a functioning Santa's Workshop, with all of the toys for sale looking like they could have been manufactured by the Jolly old elf himself. Very few things for sale there required batteries, in fact, a large percentage of the toys for sale were high quality wood or composite. They did have some modern toys, but they were mostly along the lines of Melissa and Doug... Toys that fed the kid's imagination as well as their insatiable need to be entertained 100% of the time. While we were there, we made a discovery so awesome, that we purchased it on the spot due to both of our girls being fascinated by it. Had we bothered to do a quick search on our phones, we would have found it much cheaper than they were selling it for, but that doesn't change the fact that I am naming it My toy pick of the year.
Presenting the Buddha Board. Available in several colors, the BBoard is a great way to keep your little brats entertained while ensuring they don't make a mess. It's a slate board and bamboo brush that uses water to "paint". It's laptop-esque design makes it great for travel and it dries quickly enough to keep them painting over and over, but not so fast that their art disappears before they can finish.
I must admit, the BBoard has become a favorite of mine to play with as well as it is strangely settling to my ADHD brain! Like their website says, Buddha Board is based on the Zen concept of living in the moment.  I'm a big fan! (oh, the girls like it too!)

I'm not receiving anything for this glowing review of this product that we love, but if anyone at the Buddha Board company is reading this...do the right thing! ;-)