Child Rules

Below are a list of rules that my girls have organically developed over the years. I will be periodically adding to the list, so check back often!

1. If my sister has it, I want it. If I do not recieve what she has in a timely manner, I will scream; loudly and as long as it takes for me to get what it is that she has.
2. A closed door is meaningless. If you wanted to use the toilet in peace, alone, you should have snuck in while i was not looking and securely locked the door as quietly as possible. If I know you're in there, I will scream; loudly and as long as it takes for me to get you to open the door and let me in.
3. I love my sister unconditionally. Unless you are in the room or within hearing distance. In this case, we are mortal enemies.
4. "Daddy, do you want to play a game with me?" really means "Hey daddy, we're playing UNO again, for the next hour and a half whether you like it or not. I understand the rules just fine until they do not benefit me, at which point I will cheat with no remorse."
5. "I make up the rules as we go along; deal with it."
6. If I can whine about it, I will.
7. Weekends: Up before the sun as to not waste a moment of precious play time! 
8. School Days: I'll wake up when i'm damn good and ready!
9. Thanks for changing my diaper, NOW DO IT AGAIN BIATCH, I just dropped a fresh deuce! 
10. When given a brand new outfit to wear, I see it as my duty to filth it up as quickly as possible.
11. "I'm not hungry" is a relative statement. Just because i'm not hungry for dinner, doesn't mean I don't have room for ice cream.
12. Never get too close with mommy, because I can have a nightmare at any time, and I'm programed to ruin your night at my discretion. 
13. It is my primary objective to make you miserable. 
14. I can sense which shows on tv that you hate and I will adopt said shows as my favorites. 
15. Whatever you cook for dinner, I do not want.