Quinn The Thief Strikes Again!

Thieving Toddler Sets Her Sights On Credit Union Lollipops

More addictive to a small child than crystal meth to white trash, Dum-Dums have
become a popular target for thieving toddlers looking for their next sugar fix.

Just a day after her botched caper at CVS, Quinn was up to her old tricks again, this time at our new credit union. As any kid knows, banks and credit unions mean one thing: lollipops. Unless of course the credit union is my former employer, who shall remain nameless, who eliminate lollipops from their budget forcing the managers to buy them themselves if they wanted the customers to not complain. (you would be amazed how many people really liked lollipops.) I digress...my point is that kids love lollipops and they know every possible location by sight, smell, sound and some sort of sixth sense. Quinn is no exception to the rule and as soon as we turned the corner to get to the credit union, she enthusiastically started saying "pop" over and over in anticipation of her forthcoming sweet treat.  This continued as we walked into the lobby and were greeted by a member service rep who's first words were "I think our first order of business is a lollipop for this little cutie." She began to clap and giggle uncontrollably as he directed us to his desk and then turned away and walk to a cabinet where the pops were stored. He came back with the bag and let her make her choice before returning the bag to it's cabinet. I was under the impression that she was solely focused on her pop at the time so i thought nothing of it. Now to the business at hand of opening accounts for the girls. After 5 or 10 minutes, Quinn did what any 2 year old in captivity would do: try to get out of said captivity. At this point, the bank rep said "we're close to finished, you can probably let her wander, there is nothing that she can get into trouble with around here". Except perhaps an unguarded bag of dum-dums in an unlocked cabinet as we would soon find out.  Her first move was to head across the lobby to the children's area to do a little light coloring, or perhaps to get me to let my guard down. The branch was empty and there was a rep by the door, so i felt safe letting her wander. I continued my business with the rep, and just as I look up, I see that the cabinet door had been opened and that the rep by the door had not moved. I stand up to see her about 5 feet from the cabinet with the bag of dum-dums, stuffing them by the handful into the collar of her, un-tucked, shirt. Caught red handed, she gave off a giggle and held up two lollipops as if to say "alright, you got me!"I took the pops away and gave the back back to the amused rep (who has a two year old of his own so he knew what i was going through) and I asked her if she had any more; "no no" she squeaked in her tiny voice.  I then told her, "OK, if you say so. Lets get going OK? Stand up bean." She struggled to rise to her feet using only her left hand, the right hand doing the job of holding her shirt bottom closed as to not lose her precious booty. Well onto her, with the rep almost in tears laughing, I tell her that we are going to the parking lot and to give me her hand. With this, she proceeds to walk around me and offer her left hand...she's good...too good. I had an ace up my sleeve however, so i, in a whispered tone, ask the rep for another lollipop which I immediately offer up to Quinn who happily grabs it with her right hand, causing the lollipops in her shirt to fall out onto the floor. I look at her, and she looks me right in the eye and begins walking out the door as if there was nothing happening.

Its a damn good thing we don't live under Taliban rule, or shop at places run by humorless assholes (again, I'm looking at you Taliban) because I cant seem to control my kinder-klepto and those assholes still cut off hands for stealing... I highly doubt they discriminate based on the age or cuteness of the perpetrator! I'm beginning to think that no place is safe for me to take this child! I wish she understood better so that I could explain her that "It's only going to be cute while you're so little and cute". The toddler equivalent of giving a really attractive, yet irresponsible and uneducated twenty-something* the talk that "your looks are going to fade some day so you might want to hit the books, or lock down someone rich while you can" talk. We wont have to have the latter talk, as we will not be accepting anything short of academic excellence through and beyond their undergraduate studies!

* Think: "Jersey Shore" cast member look-a-like, but without the millions of dollars they got for being otherwise useless.